Warning - if you're looking for a nice healthy blog - this is not the one to read! Skip along!
Ok, if you are still reading, you've been warned! ;)
Health. As an extremely obese person, I don't talk much about health. I shy away from it because it's obvious I'm not the picture of health. This is certainly and sadly not limited to my physical status. But recently my son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. It's been an adjustment for him, and for me, it's been a smack in the face. Because I've been type 2 diabetic for a while now and I'm on a lot of insulin because I don't control my diet, I have a lifestyle of almost no activity and I've done nothing to change this.
After my son's diagnosis, I felt guilty for not doing more. I had been wanting to do something, but with work and school, I gave myself an out and thought, maybe next year, when I'm done with school. Then I saw that I had access through my benefits program for Virta Health. It is a keto diet program, monitored by doctors.
So, after weeks of tests and training, today I start on the Virta program. I am doing this because there is nothing my son can do to change his diagnosis, but he still purposefully is making healthy choices and doing his best to adapt. I don't want to have him resent me for having the ability to change and not doing it. I'm doing this because I'm still ashamed of myself and I want to be proud of myself. I'm doing this because I want to live a long life and I won't if I don't stop my self-sabotage now.
Here is where the really unhealthy talking starts --- run away! :)
I need to break up with Carbs. I have an unhealthy love with carbohydrates and sugars and that's why I've not made changes until now. So - here is my breakup letter to carbs. (This is not part of the program, just something I need to do for me).
Carbs,
I appreciate how you've been there for me all these years. You have looked pretty and tasted wonderful. You're so versatile too. You can go anywhere and fit right in! It's been great. I mean, we've had some awesome times. Unfortunately, I can't see you anymore. I'm at a point in my life I need to do things on my own. I need to be happy and celebrate without you. I need to feel sad and know it's ok without you comforting me. I need to find out who I am, without you. It really isn't you, it's me. You're great! There are so many others out there for you that you are a good fit for. I just can't keep doing this, I'm not healthy when I'm with you. Thanks for understanding, you're awesome that way, so I knew you would. Love, T
Reader, if you are still there, I know I'm being silly, but sometimes life calls for it. I have an addictive personality. So much that I knew if the program made me give up carbs and diet coke I'd struggle. (Thank you, Lord, I get to keep the soda, for now!) Maybe I'll kick bad habits/addictions by getting healthier and I admire those who have the mental ability to do things in moderation and hear the voice in their head say stop and they do! That is amazing! I'm still not sure why I'm broken in that way? The good news is even though I've tried things before this, I'm not giving up on me. I'm not giving in to a destiny of death. I choose to work, to overcome and I choose me.
I don't want my children to ever look at my life and think that I've wasted it. I want them to see growth and change and me never giving up. I know they see the imperfection, I pray they see the willingness to move towards better life choices, in all areas of my life.
Anyone still reading, know that it is my prayer, that you never give up on YOU! Love, T
2 comments:
Good for you! I know it's very hard, and it's a bit scary, but I know you can do it anyway!
Is it okay if I encourage you to make sure you're crafting a plan that works for you personally? Not every strategy or plan works for every person, and sometimes "failure" to stick to a plan has more to do with a person's fit to the plan than it has to do with the things people blame themselves for (willpower, et al). I personally wouldn't be able to stick to most diet plans and so I didn't try because I figured what was the point.
Also, please don't get discouraged if you backslide a bit on your plan during the holidays. This is the hardest time of year to stick to a restricted diet, but on the flip side that means if you can do it now, you can do it whenever.
One final thing. It doesn't fit well into keto, but my strategy for sticking to my plan of calorie restriction has been to eat high fiber foods (carrots, apples, etc) whenever I get real hungry, and as my go to evening snacks. I have a voracious appetite, but that cuts it more significantly than I thought possible beforehand. I know my plan won't work for everyone, but wanted to share that aspect anyway because that's how I've stuck with my plan. I don't have great willpower in my dietary life so I need something that keeps me from feeling hungry.
Sorry to hear about C's diabetic diagnosis. I believe that you can do anything that you put your mind to. I am so proud of you going back to school. If you can get through Accounting classes than I believe that you can have a healthy plan and stick to it. Will be praying for you!
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