Kids - yes and no

My children are now 20 and 16.  In fact Nickel will be 21 in a few weeks.  So are they still kids?
Yes, they will always be my babies.  Yes they will always be my children.  No they are not still kids.  Especially Nickel - However Copper Top is 16 going on 21.  He's been in the work force a couple of years, works 20+ hours a week, owns a car (we helped him buy), he is saving money, has a budget, is enrolled in both high school and a college program that starts next fall - so he will have an associates degree 1 year out of high school.

He's making grown up decisions and being pretty grown up in his actions (a lot of the time). Is he still a kid - he's only 16.  So yes he is.  :)

We've found ourselves lately as he moves into a more and more comfortable role of taking over his life setting boundaries that we tell him are specifically to remind him that he's not on his own yet.  For example - you may own a car and work but you will still ask before you go anywhere in the car.  You'll text and tell us when you get places you're going and you'll keep us informed of what you're doing.  BECAUSE you're still our child.  He seems to be accepting this ok.  As with most things it probably won't last long.  I'm sure we'll be in the swing of him coming and going this summer but we're trying to establish a blend of kid to adult ratio and the more he does, the harder that is to accomplish.

That was my greatest fear in him doing the college program now.   He is serious and he is planning for his future - like we've taught him to do.  But now, I'm trying to teach him to balance "growing up" with "staying a kid".  We're trying to help build in down time and play time for him so he doesn't burn out at 20 and or worse 30 with a wife and kids by his side.

I don't think this is something happens to everyone.  My dad worked since he was 14 and he never had a mid-life crisis.  He seems to know how to still get what he wants or needs out of life while being responsible but that isn't something you see out of our society in general.

We're also trying to blend with Nickel and copper top into adult children roles.  Where we are more friends and mentors than disciplinarians.  This again can be challenging - especially when you see them making decisions that will make life tougher in the long run.  You want to warn and we still often do warn them.  But ultimately, we have to let them become their own person and we have to learn to like that person even when we disagree.

We had a break through moment with Nickel this weekend, she wants to move out in December but she still won't have school done.  We (I've) been very vocal about that - telling her all the reasons why this is a bad idea.  She - was able to finally communicate this weekend that she gets it.  She's not going change her mind but she understands and she clearly stated my position to me.  She may move out sooner than December and at this point - I've finally resigned that my position is clearly stated, she gets it, she understands and still wants to do it her way.  So, ok.  what else can I do?  Kick her out now?  I could, but that seems counter productive to the whole "stay at home 1  more year, finish your degree, save, save, save, save, save as long as you can before moving out argument.

I don't want my kids at home with me forever.  I want them to want and to be independent.  I am glad they are setting these goals for themselves, but transitions are hard and we're figuring it out, but stumbling through it.

They certainly aren't babies any more.  :( But that's ok - they aren't supposed to stay that way forever.