Importance of Communication

So, I blogged a while ago about the youth group at our church changing to Tuesday nights.  That has officially happened and Nicky is w/o a youth group right now.

We are praying about this and in the mean time we have a couple options that we’re considering. 

The first one is a block away.  There aren’t many kids in the group right now.  A young girl that Nicky works with at the IGA is the current leader.  She is taking a little time off and the pastors are going to lead the group for a while. 

We know this, because they contacted us today to see if another night of the week would work for us.  They are thinking of switching nights and want to know how it would affect our kids.  Our kids.  Nicky has attended one of their meetings and Chandler has attended two.  They are wanting to know how we feel about the change and if it could work for us.  They have no long standing relationship with us or our kids. They know we attend another church.  They don’t even know for sure if our kids will end up attending this youth group all the time or not, but they are checking with us. 

Talk about an eye opener.  Because of our work schedules, getting the kids to Linton on a Tuesday night would be difficult to achieve.  This group is thinking of moving to Tuesdays also.  Ironically, since we often work late or schedule farm work on that night, it would work well for us for them to walk the block to this other church. 

As soon as the kids heard that the Pastor wanted to know if that could work for us, their level of interest in the group increased a lot.  They were “trying” it out, but with the hurt of lack of communication from our own church with the switch, they feel like people who don’t know them care more for them than people they have attended church with for years now. 

We have another group, in Linton-but on a weekend night- that has extended themselves to Nicky because she is interested in missions and they have a strong missions focus.  They also are going out of their way to communicate dates of meetings, what to expect, thoughts, and other things regarding their youth program so we can make an informed decision and have said that even if Nicky doesn’t choose to attend their youth/missions trip that they still want to be here for her as they are sure she is suffering pain and loss of losing her youth group that is a HUGE part of her identity. 

It’s as if they get it.  They know it’s about the kids and not us. 

Chad and I made mistakes with our youth pastor.  We expressed concern with expectation that he would understand our heart and know that our intent was not malicious, but to inform him better of how some of the choices and decisions he made early on were affecting our family. 

The fact was and is, he had no interest in our hearts or our children’s hearts.  Mainly because he got hurt and thought we should understand his vision for the poor, unparented youth of Linton and that he felt we had our kids well covered and taken care of.  Ok, so we parent our children and they aren’t on welfare.  They are still kids in need of other adult to be apart of their lives and strong Christians/youth group.  With you guys (the OP group/Joy ) , we had that built in for them.  They know/knew that they can to this day count on you all for moral support and spiritual love if they need it from you.   They-We don’t have that here.  We do with one couple, but we’re not a part of a group of people who love each other unconditionally.  Who accept, respect, and even enjoy our differences. 

My pastor was talking to me yesterday about connecting points and relationships being key to keeping people at a church and our church is not great with that.  All I could think was, no joke…I can’t figure out why the heck we are still here?  It can’t be that bad, right?  I mean, this is where God wants us, right?  We still believe that, or we wouldn’t be here, but it’s harder and harder to remember/feel that way.  I told our pastor a few weeks ago that we were going to look for a new youth group for our kids…that we hoped that helped reduce the drama, and his response was “maybe that is for the best.”

I am afraid to ask if he thinks we should leave altogether.  You guys know us, you know we don’t want to cause trouble.  Some of you have been great to listen to us express our hurt and concern, knowing that we are trying/praying for the best outcome.  We are trusting that just leaving the youth programs will help at this point, but if God doesn’t do something to help us communicate with the youth pastor and him with us, how can this ever get better?  Do we misunderstand him as much as he misunderstands us?  Maybe we do, I hope and pray that we can build a good relationship in spite of the hurt that we have felt and caused. 

In the mean time, I’m thankful to have other churches that are showing my kids good examples of communication and care to people in need/hurt.  They need to know that and see that and feel that.  They deserve to be loved on. They didn’t do anything to deserve what they have endured.  They are suffering because of poor communication skills on the part of myself and our youth pastor and stubbornness on his part to look beyond me and pastor my children.   

That hurts me.  But I know that God takes care of his children and this is opening up opportunity for them to see how other people in ministry respond and react.  Thankfully, they care enough already to show my kids that. 

I don’t know that either of them will end up being “our church”.  I am still praying for God to do a work at the church we are at and get us all through this time, but I am glad that my children have opportunity to be ministered too finally and that we don’t have to worry about saying “we’re sorry you live in the wrong town” to them all the time. 

Seriously a couple weeks ago the only two kids that were in Sunday School for youth was Nicky and another boy who lives out of town.  They have a youth sponsor in the class and the youth pastor as teachers.  The youth pastor walked in, made a face turned around and walked out and didn’t come back to Sunday School that day.  That is the ministry he has to offer my daughter right now.  Hurt, yeah, she is and rightfully so. 

God knows and cares, and since then he’s brought two churches into the picture with people who are reaching out to my kids wanting to bless them.  Thank you God and God, please help me to love those that hurt my family and I pray that someday we’ll be able to be a blessing to their ministry and to them.  I don’t want to hold or harbor hurt, I want to grow through the pain.  Thank you…amen.