Busy Times

I know that we all get busy, but I'm sad that I find myself too busy, or too tired from the busyness of life to write more.

I'd like to think that everything I do is in someway an adventure and blog worthy, but even when that's true, I'm usually just wanting to let my brain rest instead of writing about it!

Right now, I feel like writing about forced change instead of volunteer change.

Our family is presumably being forced into a significant change. The youth group is going to start meeting on Tuesday night instead of Wednesday this July. There's kind of a domino effect with this change and we're not sure yet how many dominoes are in play.

Regardless, something will have to change. We'll either have to make the trip to Linton (20 miles one way) two nights a week --not preferable--especially when the youth pastor himself told Chad that he wouldn't be here on both nights and no family should have to be.

Or
We'll have to have Nicky give up her youth group. She would look for one that is closer to home and that would hopefully meet on the weekend or Wednesday night so that she wouldn't have to be gone two nights a week for church. Which brings me to the other part of that, she is currently on the worship team that practices on Wednesday's (when they practice) and if she goes only on Tuesday's that forces her to give up worship team.

or
Chad and Chandler give up Royal Rangers--I think most of you know Chad well enough to know what that ministry means to him.

or
we force all the other Royal Ranger families to meet on Tuesday so that we can be here only one night a week.

or
we just give up everything, Chad's drumming, our teaching Sunday School, him being a board member, Royal Rangers, youth. Nicky on the worship team and start going to a different church where we can be less involved and therefore, hopefully less hurt by forced changes.

or
we go get super involved somewhere else and hope that they care enough about us to get our input on changes before doing them.

or
I lose my income, a significant part of our household income because the pressure of having my job and my family life so closely connected it not easy and I'm emotionally wearing thin.

or
we wait, do nothing and see what happens and if Tuesday night ends up working or not and let whatever change that will take place evolve instead of pursuing the change.

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From what our pastor has advised and what Chad and Nicky think, I guess the last one is what we are doing at the moment. Through hurt and pain and trying to smile in spite of feeling like no one would care or notice if you weren't smiling.

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To most people it's a small petty thing to be concerned about, and I'm trying to keep perspective. But the above list, is just how it affects our personal life. I didn't even mention the ministry ramifications to the families we're trying to reach out too.

We have a family that started coming to church because their daughter comes to youth with Nicky. We have another family who isn't having as rough of a time because their daughter comes to youth with Nicky and these girls lives have been changed by God. Their parents see it. The family's have changed because of it. We have another girl that comes with them that her parents hate church. When she wanted to go see the youth pastor's new baby, they didn't want her to go because "pastors do bad things to people". I'm sure that was an excuse and they didn't really believe it, because she got to go, but it gives you an idea of what their attitude is and what she battles and if we don't take these girls to church, who will? If they don't go with Nicky to youth, than how will that negatively impact God's kingdom and what he is doing in the lives of these girls?

Not to mention that we've encouraged Chandler to think about inviting friends too. Now, everything is on hold. Because of forced change. We have not been told the vision for the change or why it's a good idea, we have been told by the youth pastor that he knows that it will affect the Clay City girls and that he may lose some in the youth group by making the change, but it's going to be better in the end. I don't know what that means and honestly I don't feel I have the freedom to ask.

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I know that by August the change will be in affect and whatever is going to happen will be in play and life goes on. It's just tough to swallow when other people can potentially affect so much of your life and they don't seem to care or notice. That hurts at a level that is tough to recuperate from.

That hurts at a level that is tough to smile through. It hurts at a level that makes going on a two week vacation or staying home from church so you don't have to feel like a hypocrite while you're trying to work through the pain be welcomed. I know God is with us, I know He says in His word that He won't leave us, or forsake us, that He can use all things together for the goodness of His will. I'm trusting in that and trying to not just chuck it all and say "Dad's right, church's suck, people suck, who needs it?" I know I need it. I'm well aware that I need it and others need it, even through the hurt. How we handle this as a couple can affect our kids, (who are called into ministry) and their friends. How we handle this can affect families and the ripple of affect of that. So, the pressure of how to handle the hurt, how to get through the pain, how to be ok when it's not ok, is tough. It's tough and I wish I handled it better and didn't care so much, so it wouldn't be so tough.

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Oh well, life goes on. This too shall pass.