After 11 years of marriage, it's safe for me to say that dash and I have grown accustom to certain things. We both have our "that's just D or that's just T" moments where we overlook or accept things that we haven't seen change up to this point. Keep in mind, we were 20 when we started dating and have grown up and changed a lot with each other.
So, golden's blog about the book "for women only" got my attention. I asked if I could borrow it. I have read 2 chapters. Dash has read the same two chapters. We are both processing it and finding out things about each other. While it's written with the assumption that a women is reading to understand her man better and generalizing men based on over a 1000 surveys, I had questions for dash about him and where he fell into these generalizations. We are talking about it trying to learn and grow in areas that we haven't yet.
The thing that stands out right now that we're working on is teasing in public. I am learning that while he is okay with it sometimes he is sensitive to it at others. I never really knew that before. When we were first together I would tell him how much I hated to be teased. So, he doesn't really tease me. I guess I've learned to be teased some and I can joke about myself but that's off topic. I always thought that he was cool with being teased, he never acted like it bothered him and he said he didn't have a problem with it before. So after 12 years of marriage, I am learning what is and isn't okay for me to tease him about. More to the point, I am learning that somethings he doesn't want to be teased about. It's not the obvious stuff either. Because I am not a big joker, it's more of the off handed comments that I think are harmless.
I hate to find out that after 11 years of marriage I've misunderstood this, but at least I'm finding it out now. So, if you hear a side comment "was that okay?" Or "Is that what you mean?" you'll know I'm still trying to figure out what's allowed and what isn't! ***This could take a while!***
7 comments:
It is amazing that you can always learn things about your spouse that you never knew before. Especially things that bother your husband.
But you are both working to learn more about the other! And you are being open with each other even when it's difficult! That is AWESOME!
Actually, I don't think that 11 years is a very long time to be working out misunderstandings. Some people go a lifetime without even asking the questions necessary to find the misunderstandings.
When I was a kid I always understood that men and women approached things differently, but I always just assumed it was more a matter of taste than anything else. Boy, was I wrong. I'll be misunderstanding Golden for our entire lives, I think.
It's true that you never fully understand your spouse... but only in the same way a wise man begins to see what he dosen't know.
T and I knol each other pretty well and sometimes that includes knowing that we just don't understand parts of the other's perspective and choices.
I may not for example understand the reason that T enjoys a romance novel ... but I do know the kind of book to pick out for her.
love in any language straight from the heart. Pulls us all together; never apart.
You guys need a secret signal so no one has to know if it's the wrong teasing. Then it's both a game and learning process the best of both worlds. Kudos to you guys for working on these things! Great idea, maybe I need to borrow the book!
jeff and I have a secret signal... it's the evil-eye...
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