Still

It's a usual midnight scene at the Franklin's. Dash is downstairs hoggin' the blankets while he snores in his deep sleep. N and C have been asleep even longer then dash. The lights are out, the temp is down to a cozy 75 and I'm here blogging. If I'm not blogging during this time, I am playing games, or trying to crash on the couch to a tv/movie, but usually I'm on my PC. Occasionally I'm reading a book, but that's not as likely. I do that more when I don't have a lot going on. I have things I could do, but by midnight there things I've decided I am not going to do, so it's just time that I have.

Sometimes I have what needs to be done, or what has been done on my mind. Sometimes I am just anxiously replaying things from the day that I might have said or done wrong. Sometimes I am wishing I hadn't pushed the talk button before handing the phone to dash.

Sometimes, I need to think, but can't think and want to sleep but can't sleep. It's like my body and brain just can't agree on what I need to do at that moment.

It's wild, because the silence is so loud.

I use to go outside my folks house this time of night, I would sit or stand at our well house under the security light and write. I would role play senarios of what life would be like as a person on their own. I would think of what kind of friends I would have and what we would say and how things would go, especially if we were all on our drill/dance team together that I so desperately wanted to be apart of. I knew I could come up with some awesome routines and I would contrive songs in my head to accomodate the routine that I pictured. (Drill Team was a big deal at my school, and both my sisters were in Band....so I would go and see all their competitions and then imagine...what if.) When the weather was too cold I would sit by my window, sometime opening it to feel the coolness and talk to God about life.

So yeah, this was my time. The only time that I owned that I didn't have to give to someone else. I liked to walk out by our grain bin or behind our barn and hide, not even people driving by knew I was there. I could have the whole universe to myself. I guess that's why to this day I still go through times like I have lately of not getting the rest I need. Because when my day time is crowded, I find my time at night.

It's not filled with make believe (as much! :).) I think about parental moments. I think about what I need to do better in my life. I think about friends and prayers that I need to pray. I think about tomorrow, and I think about today. But mostly, I just enjoy it because it's mine regardless of how it's filled. It's mine and it's still and demands are not there and the world as I know it to exist during the day ceases for a short time.