As I have mentioned before I use to write things out when I was was younger. I have some of those writings still. I did this just to get feelings out, just for me, my deepest thoughts as I struggled with figuring out life and what it meant to me. The following is one of the writing that I wrote during this time.
________________
THE WALL
I see this wall as my friend, it keeps all others from entering in. The secrets of my heart, I keep behind this wall. My pain, hurt, hope and desires are all safely locked away.
This wall has become my closest friend, it let's me keep hate, anger, abused trust and misguided friendships all within. I have chosen to keep the wall, it keeps me safe from myself, keeping me on guard, knowing I can only depend on me.
But now, I am beginning to see the wall is not a refuge but a stronghold to me. For far deeper yet inside, I know not only humans but God I am keeping out.
How much love can I show, when anger is dwelling still below? God will not push to be let in. I hold the key, and still I keep it from him. Because my heart will not give up this wall that has become my friend.
______________________
I have to admit I kept that friendship for a lot longer then I should have after that. It's not easy when you are trying to figure out life growing up and who to trust at the same time. To let go of the baggage and let God really do a work in your life, even as a Christian, can be a very difficult and scary thing to do. For me, it was a process that took place over time.
2 comments:
These words rang true to me. I continue to struggle in some areas of my life. It's neat that you are free enough to share that here. There are others checking on my site that I think will keep me from being quite as frank emotionally as I might be otherwise. Amazing that God doesn't leave us in one place but keeps moving us ahead!
I know what you mean Roaming. I actually doubled up on blogs knowing that not everyone would read this! So,I guess I don't feel as "free" as it seems since I hid it on purpose!
I was torn between sharing it or not. I am glad I did, but it wasn't easy to part with. This is the first time I've gone public with my writings except the one that I posted a while back, and a friend of mine went public with it first, so it's really not the same.
I shared this with one other person and that was just to show similarity in our writings because I had read some of hers stuff and could relate to it.
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