We stopped treatment over a week ago now. We are in the final pages of our final chapter as Mrs. Dash and Mr. T. Dash has been such a trooper, determined to be the best patient that is possible.
Turning the page. For three years we have been doing everything we can to keep him as healthy as possible as long as possible. Now that we are here, in the final days/weeks with a focus on comfort over curing, it is such a hard transition to make. Watching the person you love, who has been your rock for the better part of your life struggling to stand, to sit, to breathe. It is a nightmare. My heart is aching so much.
I thought with watching the way cancer attacked his body over time that I was prepared to hear the words - hospice care. I thought I was ready to encourage him to get the rest and peace he aptly deserves. We both knew that it would be difficult. We put it off as long as we possible could. Now we are here and it doesn't feel real.
I feel like I can't breathe.
The link above is how I feel right at this moment and I wish I could I sing this to Dash right now (but he is sleeping/resting). So I will just share this with the vast void of the internet. If there are still readers out there - I hope you never have to experience this pain, while knowing it is a real part of life, it is the worst part of life. Figuring out "How do I" without you...
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