We're wrapping up a sermon series today at church. It's been a really good series and one that has forced me to be very introspective on Spiritual journey. It's reminding me that even when we are growing in our personal devotion and development that we have to still be intentional with our Spiritual life.
In looking at me, with layers peeled back, I got a new perspective on my relationship with my mom and dad. In my core dna, I want to help. Which is why I'm good at being an admin. I want to help, but I don't want or need any recognition. I've always been this way. Which brings me to my relationship with my mom and dad.
When I was growing up, I was always closer to my dad. I loved "helping him". They typical "go get this, go get that, hold this," stuff that a kid can do for a dad when he's working on mechanical stuff or carpentry stuff etc. He used me and I felt useful. I probably was useful actually.
My mom on the other hand never wanted help. We helped her the most by staying out of her way. She needed space to cook and clean and when we did do things, we were told regularly how we couldn't do it the way she did. As a kid, my mom's actions hurt me and I took it personally and I often felt like I was just in her way, so I pulled away more and more.
Understanding myself more, and how much I want to help, how important that is to me, I see better why I gravitated to dad more than mom. It might have been a personality thing too, but in reviewing my childhood life, I think it was this as much as anything. I wanted to help, mom didn't want help. Dad could always use help.
I tend to gravitate towards people who can use my "help" even as an adult. Be it advice, friendship, skills, or really whatever. My boss at the Greek Orthodox Church doesn't need my help. He never has, so it's taken me longer to "click" with him as an admin. I've learned that the more I help the other ministries and he gets good feedback from them, the more he opens up to me, so the way to help him is to help the other ministries.
I'm not sure that the job I have now is a great "fit" for me, I don't know if I'm as useful/helpful as I'd like to be. There is a lot of tasks that are just mind numbing time killers that absorb so much time I could use to be being "helpful", that frustrates me at times.
I'm excited to go to church today to hear about ministry opportunities at our church. Today is a day where I get to see what openings there are available that need help and how I can best "plug in" my abilities to make a difference and give back to a church that has helped us come full circle in our healing process this past year.
So as I head out to church, I am looking forward to today's sermon and prayer time.
This really has been a great series on finding your "SHAPE" by realizing your Spiritual Gifts, Heart, Ability, Personality, and Experiences! :)
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