I’m not sure why sometimes the simplest statement will grab my attention. Tonight for instance, this was said in a movie. I realize the movie was not in the context at all that I’m about to elaborate on, but I found this statement lingering in my head.
“chose to give it”…done…got it…yup…no problem.
“chose to receive it”…uh…hold up…wait a minute… 
Really? we CHOSE to receive it? That’s a tougher concept for me.
What if people aren’t “giving” love in the way we “chose” to receive it?
I have this situation in my life. I want to believe that things are better with some relationships that I have struggled with, I want to trust the other people involved, but I have found that the opposite is happening. Instead of accepting all is okay, just a misunderstanding. I’m hurt. I’m hurt that the love I offered was not accepted, but instead it was refused and questioned. One couple felt like I was out to hurt them because of the way I offered help, they misunderstood where I was coming from and in return several people for a year decided that they wouldn’t trust me or my husband.
They of course ignored the Bible’s statement of “go that person” and went to others and in doing so, I now have to chose to accept their love, or at least their kindness. I have to reach out – again – and try to be who I need to be to them, when in return I have trust issues with them now. I spoke to them months before everything came out and asked them directly if they had issues with me and I was told they did not. How can you turn around and trust that same person who now says…”I did, but I don’t anymore”. There track record isn’t the greatest on keeping their word either. It’s crucial that I am able to do this, and yet the hurt runs so deep…my reputation and genuine effectiveness was hampered because of one person’s opinion of me.
Life is tough. Loving is tough. Accepting love, tougher. I’m not sure how to accept what is being offered. I’m not sure what is genuine and what isn’t. I believe very much that it is God’s will for this relationship to be restored, but it’s not easy. Last year I pulled back, sensing something was wrong, but not knowing what it was. This year, I’m holding back because I can’t trust anyone that was involved – yet. I believe that I will be able to trust again, but my heart won’t let me get too close to fast. I guess it will be another year of pulling back and waiting to see where God leads from here.
It is my prayer that God will help me, help me to “chose to accept love”.
2 comments:
It's hard to be the wronged one in a situation and have to still be the "bigger" person and move forward without the healing. Some don't know how to give healthy love and we have to accept that they are giving the best they've got at the moment. It doesn't mean we can't ask for corrections if the course is off, but it is VERY difficult to relax or trust that situation. Hang in there and God will guide you in the journey -- at least that part I'm sure about!
Roaming has some great points. It sounds like these people have trouble being honest with you. They choose the gossip route. I'll pray that you can restore the relationship.
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