Rest

Nights like tonight, I know that I will be more tired over the weekend, but I just can’t sleep.  As I shut the door to my office at 5:15, wishing I had more time and resources to get everything done, I know that for 4 days…the office will not be open.  As I think about the plans we have with family, I listen to a psalm on the way home and spend time in prayer.  Thankful…yes I’m thankful.  I’m thankful for my husband.  I’m grateful.  He is a man that teaches my son to be a noble man of honor.  A gentleman, respectful of others.  He is a man who loves me enough to be the one to clean the puke up after the kids.  He is the man that when I was pregnant and sick would offer to hold my hair out of my face or do anything to relieve the pain.  This is the man that when I hurt, hurts with me.  This is the man that when I need a kick in the butt, isn’t afraid to tell me.  This is my man. The one that nurtures and provides for me in ways that never cease to amaze me.  Thankful, I am. 

Tonight, as I pull into the drive and walk into the house, he is doing it again.  Cards in hand, kid 1 at the table, kid too on the computer, he starts to shuffle as I sit down, the lists from the week start to melt away.  I know there are things left undone.  I know that there are so many things to do.  Our room is a wreck, we need to pack, I have to buy ingredients for what I’m taking to Thanksgiving dinner.  We still have to plan/decide what we are doing as Thanksgiving plans were changing even today.  As we plan to travel, but on Friday, not Wednesday, we have to decide what food to have here.  There is chaos with my schedule.  I failed to get a project done with work because I couldn’t figure why a program wasn’t working.  I should be able to figure that out…I see him smile, he knows.  He has stress from work.  Deadlines.  Employees.  He blends his career work and his ministry work.  He’s planning for the next year, looking at next week and thinking ahead to who and how things will be covered for Rangers, while he’s in a meeting with a client that he can’t change.  He has to balance it all too.  As he looks at me and smiles, I put down my bag, filled with “stuff'”.  Stuff that I’m hoping to find time to talk to him about.  I put down my stuff. The door to the house is shut. 

I smile back and let him lead.  His quiet manner of knowing what I need at the exact right moment is amazing. His sacrifice.  The kids are laughing and singing and being loud.  I’ve been sucked in, I’m laughing and joining in.  He doesn’t love the loudness.  He works to not complain.  He smiles and lets us have our moment.  Not, not lets.  He gives us this moment.  He starts to deal and as I see him accepting us for who we are.  Learning to not force us to be quiet while we play, but encouraging us to be calmer.  Somewhere the cares of the day, the weeks, the month, the stress of the things out of my control have slipped away.  How did he know?  I’m not sure?  We played games until late into the night. 

Now, refreshed and feeling rested, one child is in bed, a husband asleep, a son-who much like his mom…keeps going until the project is done---is finishing his cleaning/rearranging his room, as he has chose to sleep in tomorrow instead of go to bed tonight.  I am more rested in this moment than I have been in a long time.  Tonight, the cares of the world are someone else's.  Tonight I just got to be mom.  I got the night off from thinking, planning, and thinking more.  I just got to let go and have fun.  I can be daughter, and in-law, sister, and aunt tomorrow.  I can be Admin and Bookkeeper, helper, later.  Tonight.  I got to let go of what others need, of what I can do to make it better for everyone else. I didn’t have to fix a thing.   He knows I wouldn’t do that on my own.  Magically he creates the opportunity for me to do it without saying a word. 

Thankful, grateful I am for my husband.  My best friend.  For the father, son, brother, and friend that he is.    Thankful, for giving me this moment of rest.