So, with a new year comes new thoughts, or are they really? I find myself year after year thinking the same thing. Where am I? Why haven't I arrived at my destination? I can't help but wonder, does this happen to others?
When Dash and I met, we both felt called into full-time ministry. But what did that mean? He didn't feel he was suppose to go out and be the pastor of a church somewhere. I didn't feel that I was either, so where did that leave us? For us, with student loans, a new baby and one income--it left us on a detour. We decided to work at other things until God opened doors or "lead us" into ministry.
All along the way, we keep looking at the road signs. We work FT and we get involved in areas of ministry that we feel our strengths can be used in. We'd love to do more with it. We'd love to be able to put all our time and attention to it. Really, we do anyway. All our time together is spent on talking about how to improve on what we are doing or areas that we can help in. What the future holds and how God can use us. I'm thankful for the opportunities we've had.
I don't know. Maybe this is it. Maybe we have arrived and I just don't recognize it. Maybe God called us to exactly what we are doing from now until we die. Maybe.
I know we sure do keep finding road blocks. Our biggest road block is finances. We can never seem to get over the hurdle with that one and every time we do, we find ourselves faced with another hurdle. Out of the 6 companies Dash has worked for since we got married 4 have "downsized" his position. He left one voluntarily and he's employed with the other. That doesn't do much for the pocketbook or your sense of security either one. Talk about "Living By Faith"!
I am frustrated with God this week, because I felt that He had promised somethings to us a few years ago, in the area of finance. We even shared that with some of our friends. But I haven't seen answers to that promise. I expected to see tangible results to that promise this week, but I didn't. I was pretty tired, hurt, confused and angry that God let me down. I felt that I was doing everything He asked of me and I couldn't help but wonder why he wasn't there in return?
The good news is, that with spiritual growing pains, comes spiritual growth. I am finding that I have the ability to say, ok. I'm not sure why the answer didn't happen the way it looked like it would. I don't know if it wasn't God's will or if "man" got in the way of God's will. I guess if man got in the way, God will honor and bless in other ways and if it wasn't God's will then He will reveal His will to me when He's ready.
"Where do we go from here?" That question was asked to me this week after I shared my heart. "We put one foot in front of the other. We take it one step at a time". That was my response and that is what I'm doing. One step at a time, one day at a time. I'm still looking at the road signs and trying to follow directions and I'm still wondering if this detour was the right one. But from what I hear, all roads lead to Rome, so I'll get there eventually, I suppose.
2 comments:
funny we thought we'd always be in secular employment but somehow that would be missions. Things rarely work out the way we think/plan it seems. I think "man" gets in the way a lot and God is super creative all the time working out another perfect plan. I like I Sam 14:6 this week - particularly the Perhaps part. I think that is my theme right now...I'm not real sure but Perhaps!
My grandfather was a dirt poor farmer in southern Misouri and God had been prodding him to get into home missions and work with the Navajo. He was resistant to the idea and posed a test for God. He determined that he needed $1000 to move, so he told God that if He really wanted my grandfather to get into missions He would have to provide $1000. Weeks went by (if I remember the story right) and he would casually ask my grandmother on occasion, "did you get a thousand dollars in the mail today?" This became a joke in the family. Then one day my grandmother did not answer the question right away, and rather responded with surprise. Someone had anonymously given them that money through their bank. Shortly thereafter they moved to Arizona, and he helped establish four small churches on the reservation in the northern part of the state.
The only reason I post the above story is as encouragement. If it didn't encourage, I'm sorry about that. I do believe, though, that if God has something for you He will make it possible.
For my part, I have always believed that God had something for me to do, but I have never had a clue what it is. I suspect now that I may never know and I may fulfill the role He wants me to fill more due to the fact that He puts me where I'm supposed to be than due to me following a specific God-given plan. Maybe I'm wrong. Either way, I may never know.
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