My sister called me up a day ago and invited herself and my parents over to my house for dinner! LOL I don't mind really, I was planning on having her over before a basketball game (my nephew plays on the team) but hadn't found a good time. She's bringing the food so that's always a plus!
It's funny, she asked if she could invite my brother and his family. I could take the easy road hear and say that our house is small and that's why I said no. But I was honest with her and told that I'm being immature--but he hasn't invited me or my family over to his house since we moved back and he only came to my house out of obligation one time in the 5 years that we lived in Kansas. In addition to this he has "corrected" me in front of the whole family the last two times we've been together.
I have a lot of baggage with our relationship. I try not to hold onto it. When it's a family get together I talk to him and enjoy having that time with him but I have struggled for years with the disappointment that I want a deep relationship with him and he does not desire the same with me. I am sure how I treated him when we were younger plays a role in this, but I can't break through on the communication with him to build a relationship now because he refuses to see anyone Else's side. He's right and he's the only one that could ever be right. He won't listen to others opinions and respect them for their ideas or learn from them--at least not mine anyway. I don't like to be corrected. I say the wrong word or give people the wrong idea sometimes and I'm trying to improve in that but it's who I am. I said "we're lucky" at Christmas in referring to our family and he jumped on it--"We're not lucky--there is no such thing as luck, we're BLESSED" Well----DUH. I know it's God's blessing and I'm sure that the family understood me and my heart when I was talking, all except Rusty. It's so frustrating.
I guess I'm venting this out because I feel guilty in recognizing that I should be the grown up and invite them over and hope for the best but I know he wouldn't come and even if he did--who wants someone who's going to insult you in your own home around?
Getting a preview of the sermon ahead of time, I know that God is already convicting me AGAIN on forgiving him but honestly I'm tired of forgiving him. I'm tired of being hurt. He asked me about Dash and what he did the other night (again) and then went straight into how "God's people won't be without work" and sighting examples from him church on how people should have been out of work, but God kept them in jobs. He's always saying stuff like that like he's special and we're screwed up somehow. It feels like he's convinced he's got the ONLY line to God. I guess since he's a preacher he should have a pretty good line, but I wish he'd grow up and realize that God's not just moving in his life, that God works in a lot of people's lives and He doesn't do it cookie cutter the same for everyone.
Oh well, that's just how I feel and I know I need to grow up but sometimes that's just not the easy route for me to take. I guess I'm not any better then Rusty really, I just want to think that I'm justified in how I feel and that be good enough. Brothers.
7 comments:
Hey T, I just wanted to say "bravo" for posting your feelings. That is what a blog is: a web log; an electronic journal. If you only read my 14 hard copy journals...(but you have lived most of it along with me!)
Second, I completely understand your frustration of being "corrected" or as I call it "belittled" in front of others! It is my biggest trigger after being married to a very controlling ex-husband. It is the quickest way I shut down. I notice my boys are the same way. BUT know this, you don't need to apologize about using a "wrong word". You really didn't do that anyway.
Thirdly, I wish he weren't so judgemental about indicating you and Chad "aren't God's people". Did you ask him about Job and Jeremiah???? Besides, remember God has not given us the room for judgement and self-righteousness. Christ hated the Pharisees and Saducees! I doubt that has changed for the 21st century since we just because we use different denominational names. :)
Lastly, WOW! I never thought of you having a preview to the sermon before-hand...LOL! I guess that either means you "get convicted" earlier than the rest of the congregation OR that you can plan to "play hooky" on that day! :) J/K
Seriously, remember this: I learned awhile back that when we draw boundaries to have emotionally-healthy and spiritually-healthy people in our lives and around our children, sometimes that may not include our "blood family relatives". It is much better to remove ourselves from dysfunctional people than to be sucked into their chaos!!
Hang in there! I love you bunches! And don't be too hard on yourself...from the stories you have told me, I don't think you have caused this rift. God will give you wisdom!
I don't know if he meant it directly that we aren't God's people, but he certainly doesn't think about what he says if he didn't. Blood is Blood. I love my brother with all my heart, I just wish I had the ability to have a better relationship with him.
I wish I had something wise or encouraging to say to you....relationships are tough sometimes. It is hard to be the "better" or mature person in the situation.
That sounds like a hard situation to deal with. We can only pray that he decides that he wants to improve his relationship with his sister in the future, I guess.
It always seems it is the people who aren't in the difficult situation are the ones who comment on the people who are. Only God knows why people sometimes have to go through these sorts of times (and deal with these sorts of things from family as well).
Family can be tough to deal with, especially when they never come see you. My brother is the same way in that respect. I think we have to learn to accept people for who they are and realize that they just might not change
I hear you! I like to have long conversations (at girls night or something back in the day) that make me feel justified about my position vis a vis my in laws or something. While the fact is we are justified, God does call us to be the bigger person a lot of times. I hate that! Can't I be the immature one for once? But no. I think it's hardest with family that you can't avoid always. The second hardest, we've got now, is when the dysfunction is at work. ick. Can't avoid that either. Hang in there!
I feel for you. I agree with Dust and BB, hopefully he will want to change the relationship. But, as I learned through years of therapy, our family members have their own issues that make them act the way they do.
Even though my parents treatment and raising of me scarred me deeply, I had to learn to accept that they were emotionally scarred themselves and that they did the best that they could.
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