Which one?

I have a lot of thoughts that I could blog on today. I'm just not sure what to say? Do I talk about Job and what I read in the Bible? Do I discuss his difficulties and desire to not have been born because he knew he was innocent but that he couldn't challenge a God that was bigger then him, bigger then the universe and how he had to accept his fate in some way and yet, how does one do that? ESPECIALLY in his circumstances? Do I talk about his friends in the beginning of the book and how they came to him when they heard of his suffering and when they saw how bad things were they tore their clothing and sat for 7 days with him without speaking--because they knew there were no words to say. No words of comfort to offer up, nothing. But they were there. They sat with him, when he was unclean. Maybe he didn't like what they said to him once he spoke and broke the silence, but they had to be some pretty powerful friendsips to sit for 7 days with him through this and not speaking, just supporting him the way they could. Showing him that they were there. Do I talk about the struggles I'm having in being torn emotionally because I love my family and living in a rural community and I am happy here, but I feel bad that I hurt my foot and lost over a month of job hunting. I feel bad that I am not contributing financially to the family right now and I'm scared that despite my lofty goals I may not be able to achieve what I want too. What if I fail? What if I don't get a good job? What if I can't be helpful to my dad on the farm? What if my kids don't get what they need from me as a mom? What if I let Dash down? What if I already have? Do I talk about the fact that Dash is torn too. Happy we moved here, but not happy here? Do I dare speak of how the lack of training jobs in the area and the constant interviews going nowhere is wearing on him? Do I dare share that it hurts me to see him struggle with, what then? To know he was prepared and yet how can one really prepare to change what they do for a living like that? What do you change too? How do you start over? Do I share that I admire and love him so deeply for loving me in such a way that he sees the good in moving here and is willing to sacrifice to make this work? What about the fact that I feel like I am not equipped to support him through this? I want to be there for him, to accomodate and assist but I don't have a clue how to do that? Do I talk about my mom and how it bothers me to see that she can't go and do like she use too. Even if she still does more then most in her condition, she doesn't do her level of going. I see her struggle with the doctors and now going through the process again with a new set of doctors trying to still get answers to what is wrong and if there's a way to fix it. I see her fighting against giving up and I want to help, but can I really? Is that possible? Do I talk about my kids and how Chan was convinced a kid in his class had gone to SFT. He now, after talking to me, knows it's not the same child. Do I talk about how low I felt when I asked him "why are you so sure he went to SFT?" After I had convinced him that the child was not the same one and watched his face change as he sadly said "because I prayed for someone I knew to be at school." I guess this morning is just a very introspective morning for me and I feel like if I were getting graded on some things in life I'd barely be passing. All these deep thoughts and I now get to go start cleaning the house and preparing the place for my family to be here tomorrow for a BBQ! The Bible does talk about idle hands, maybe getting busy is what I need to pull myself out of this funk and kick my butt into gear!? :) At least I'll have something else to do rather then sit and think.