Be forewarned, I have a feeling that this will become a long blog!
I watched Sisterhood of the traveling pants tonight. I watched it alone. Dash is at guys night, the kids were going to bed. It was just me and my thoughts of the day and this movie. Ironically enough I got one of those emails today from my sister and one of the questions was "when was the last time you cried?" I can now say tonight.
I'm pretty sure the emotion of the day was getting to me. It started out normal enough. I got up, went and played with NJ, Golden was kind enough to listen to me as a friend and let me share more of my life with her--bless you--, and then I picked the kids up to run errands with me. This is not something I always do, but I thought they might like joining me and N was very eager to go with me. So, off we went.
Last night we had a pretty intense conversation with N about a lot of stuff that was brought up in her church group "Friends". Today, as we were running our errands she opened up about her day. Both of her best friends are mad at her. They are calling her names "little miss goody two shoes" and telling her that she acts like she's better then they are and like she's a better Christian. They also told her that she needed to "loosen up and be less Christianity."
My heart sank. It was all I could do not to cry for her as I see the pain and hear the choked tears in her voice. She hasn't had a lot of real issues with her friends like the typical girl stuff. I know that she will remain friends with these girls and I know that they have gotten through these type of moments. Through the course of talking it out she remembered some stuff that these girls have going on in their lives that would cause hurt and maybe have them act out like they were towards her. But she even said "they hurt me, they hurt me really bad and I don't get angry at them like that--I don't think." She's now concerned that if people think she acts like a know it all and as if she thinks she is better then them, then maybe she does feel this way, without knowing it.
These girls will all be in Junior High next year. Their lives are getting ready for a big change and they will be meeting and making new friends and not in all the same classes. I know that N wants to be a Christian and wants to be a witness, she's now trying to figure out on her own if she's pushing God too much and if she needs to live a witness life without shoving it at them. I think she'll find the balance that she needs. The past couple days they've had some heated conversations over other religious choices and beliefs and Gay marriages. So she's been the outsider trying to share what the Bible says and where the holes are in the things that they bring up. Trying to defend herself and God in explaining that God loves everyone even Gays but that doesn't make Gay marriage right and get them to see that she isn't saying that she hates Gay people.
I love my daughter and it hurts to see her hurting. In watching the movie tonight I cried because I want my daughter to feel like she can have friends like that. I want her to know that even when they are angry they won't stop being friends because they are connected. I don't want them to be connected through pants (although that was a cool concept!:)) I know that these girls don't believe everything we do. I know that they have their own personal reasons for that. I've always known that and I have been very glad that the three of them could still be such good friends while being different. I admired that in them.
I know that N is hoping to find more Christian friends next year and people who won't seem to be so judgemental of her. I know realistically that this is only the beginning of her getting hurt. I know that if she continues to chose to stand up for what she believes in that she'll get called a "Christian" like it's a bad word again.
I feel so helpless as her parent. I have no real idea as to what to say to her. I did tell her that as her mom I could guarantee that she wasn't a "goody two shoes!" She laughed and said, "thanks that makes me feel better." Bless her heart she's so concerned about how others are viewing her and she has no idea what to do. She doesn't want to go be bad (which is good) but she doesn't want people thinking that she's judging them, because that's the last thing she would ever do.
Where are the days when the worst thing that happened was someone wanted to play tag instead of hide and seek? :) Oh for those days! :)
4 comments:
That's an especially hard time in life. I hope N doesn't get too discouraged.
I didn't realize gay marriage was a big topic for middle school and junior highers. At that age, I think I spent more energy on television and the computer than political issues.
Wow. My heart goes out to her. She is entering the tough junior high years. It is hard to live a christian life in front of people who choose not to live up to the standards that you do. I hope she does find another friend that shares the same values that she has.
I've often thought that as kids we are all adults that have not seen as many trials. This situation with N would be hard for an adult. High School memories were always the most painful for me - and still are. N is at an age where life cuts deep.
I hope she can hang in there through the next year. Junior high seems to really up the peer pressure to conform. Why is it we do have so much concern about what people think? I'm getting older and just beginning to realize that I don't have to worry about that, but I still do at times.
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