Fear

I have never considered myself a person of fear. I don't have the typical phobias. I like it when it's dark. I don't mind small spaces. I can be in a room without windows. I don't love spiders, but they don't stop me from sleeping in my room.

So, why the topic fear?

I was evaluating tonight's episode of Numbers. I LOVE this show. I love numbers and I love relationships and how we interact/react to others. This show has really taken a turn to focus as much on the father and sons and their friends as it does on the numbers in the cases. One of the things that stood out to me is how the father handled fear tonight.

The dad was making lists and giving them to the youngest son. The son owns the house they live in and has not been too up on house repairs/maintenance. So the dad was riding him to get things done. He pointed out that their cable was shut off because his genius son hadn't paid the bill. Later in the episode you see the math professor running numbers on the board and you find out that he's balancing his check book. He had paid some bills and bounced checks doing it!

The oldest son acts as a mediator and tells the dad that he shouldn't treat his brother like a kid. So the dad goes and finally opens up that his real deal is that he's afraid that his son will wake up someday faced with a dilemma (like having a sick kid upstairs with the flu and a case that needs some attention) and won't know how to handle it. He's afraid that his son will not be able to handle it if he doesn't learn to do the small things now. Like, pay the bills and buy the propane for the grill, fix a meal etc. He pointed out that it takes steps to learning how to do these things for yourself. The son admits that he too shares this concern and that he's been thinking about it lately also. By the end, the son is cooking dinner for everyone, on the grill--with the propane that he got refilled.

That is a PERFECT example of the kind of fear I have AND the way I handle concern/fear. I increase lists and get more aggressive with the kids when I fear that they aren't going to get the life lesson or skill that I feel they need. I do this with dash sometimes too. It's not that I think I have it all together. I do this for myself on a daily basis.

I would have never listed it as fear, but it is. I fear failing. So how do I push myself to not fail myself and others? I make lists and I make sure the list is completed before I go to bed. Sometimes it's just in my head, other times it's written down. Sometimes I share it with the family, other times I don't. I try to be flexible, balancing and prioritizing when needed. By making lists for myself and sometimes others, I am trying to help insure success. But, like the dad learned tonight, I too have learned that what works for one doesn't always work for another. Ultimately the son has to invest a part of himself into the process otherwise they aren't really learning a skill they are just completing your list, which is nice if you just want a job done--but not so great if you are trying to teach a life lesson.