I've been trying for the past couple days to blog about what I'm experiencing spiritually right now. I keep getting stuck. I am not sure why it's not flowing like I want it to. Every angle I take, every start that I get I end up backspacing or deleting away. What I want to convey and what I end up saying are not the same. I'm attempting it one more time.
I am perplexed even now. Basically I realize that while I am wanting so much to praise God for several wonderful things that have happened the past couple days. Experiences and memories that I will have for a life time. I have this road block that I keep hanging onto. I'm a little upset with God right now. I guess it's because I figure people are people and I expect us to screw up, but God is bigger then us. He's bigger then the stupidest little need we have. God is bigger.
So if he's bigger then all those things. If I can have a couple of great days with my kids and see how much they've grown this past year. If I can watch them help each other and take time to listen to them enjoy playing together. If I can have countless people speak to me and remind me of God's love and how much bigger he is.
Then why do I let myself get stuck at the road block? Why?
I read jadee's blog and she im'd me. I told her how much I liked it. She said it wasn't meant to make me teary, it was just a lot of questions she had circling around in her head. I guess the thing of it is, right now I have a few questions circling around too. I'm trying not to hang out at the road block to much. One of my many blogs I've started was themed trust. I guess that's my biggest block right now. I want to trust, but I'm just feeling overwhelmed and it's not even that I don't trust, it's more that I just want to be where that trust isn't being required of me anymore. Anyway, I don't really have an ending to this blog, so I guess instead of a tidy closing I'll just stop
5 comments:
I think I told you the other day...that I know I am at a growing point...and as much as I long to grow even closer to God, I am afraid to reach out for that, because it is always some crisis that happens in my life that pushes that growth through.
I am just too tired to go through more financial hassles and car accidents and hospital visits and court cases and...and....and... just so I can grow spiritually. But that is holding me back too. I am letting fear (my mind) control me.
I am going to look into going to Scripture and journaling what I read there. I know God will bless my efforts...and remove the fear of new growth.
I think I have trust issues too. I don't really know how to deal with them, so I just don't. :)
There are people who I do trust, I just accept that they will fail once in a while.
"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who tells you different is selling something." - The Dread Pirate Roberts
I realized that I didn't post to your blog this morning when I read it. I read yours first, then moved the laptop, and I thought I had commented. I wanted you to know that I wasn't dissing you. There was maintenance on blogger for the last few hours and I couldn't post then.
God is bigger than the boogy man. He's bigger than Godzilla or the monsters on tv.
Every person will fail you eventually. It hurts, but it's important to move on.
I have learned that I failled a lot of people as much as they have failled me. I guess I'm trying in my old age to have more grace when I feel let down. I hate to admit it, but my trust issue was more with God.
It wasn't so much that I didn't trust him, but I am frustrated that I am in a position to have to trust him again and more frustrated that things aren't happening when I feel they are supose to...kind of that "God's timing/not mine" thing you hear about! :)
I have had a couple years of going round and round on some God issues. He is big enough, but sometimes He doesn't. What is that? I've read some challenging things about warfare that I think effect the equation too. So when is it a faith/trust issue on my end, when is it warfare, when is it one of those suffering makes me stronger issues so God allows it. Don't know. Something happened last week that I was flat out mad at the person, and at God. The situation righted itself much more quickly than I expected and I was somewhat ashamed at my harsh reaction with God. I think though the going through the uncertainty is part of the growth...more than you wanted to hear no doubt!
Post a Comment