Today in Sunday School, something came up. It was the subject of weather or not we would invite church friends, or someone who was unsaved to go camping with us. The video specifically mentioned the unsaved person as being the kind of person that drinks and chooses a lifestyle that is that is a banner for "non Christian" behavior.
YES, he mentioned things other then drinking...but this one stuck out to me. Dash innocently stated that we probably would not invite people to drink at our campsite. I stated, we would not. This became the point of controversy and how by not inviting people who drink to our campsite we are "isolating" our children from real life.
This is a very touchy subject for me because my father drank when I was growing up. He drank a lot at times and sometimes not as much. He drinks now on occasion. For my father his spiritual life and his drinking are directly related. Do I know and understand that some Christians can drink and that it's not a sin. Yes. I also know the repercussions of drinking on a family.
Am I hindering my children's ability to grow up in a balanced environment by choosing to not have people over for parties with alcohol or drinking around them? Our decision on this is that we are not hindering them. We wouldn't have people over to do cocaine just to show them that people do it. We tell our children that it's a choice. We have friends the drink and while we don't agree with their choices for personal reasons. Our children know these reasons as well. They also know that it's a choice everyone has to make for themselves. They are equally aware that overeating and unheathy eating habits are wrong as well and that no one person is perfect or makes all the right choices all the time.
That being said, why does the point of drinking trigger such an emotional response from me (I left church crying.) It's because I love my dad, I respect my dad, I have grown up trying to be just like my dad in every way--except this. I knew he was making choices that were wrong. I knew this because growing up my mom would not allow him to drink at home and he didn't. My dad was the head of our household in every since of the word. If he respected my mom on this then--he knew the choice he was making was one that was not a good influence on us kids. His drinking kept him out late at night and had him driving drunk frequently, so was it the right choice to not let him drink at home? I don't know. Would I not go to a party that friends were having because alcohol was there, no. Would I not go to a work event that had alcohol, no. Will I teach my children to fear alcohol or people who drink, no.
When I met dash he was and remains very adamant that he does not and will not drink. I do not and will not drink. It's a choice we've made for lots of reasons some logical, some emotional. I understand that for me it's a touchy subject and that others do not understand my response. They may not even think that balance is involved in our decision. I can honestly say that for a long time I did feel that people who drank were going to hell because my dad's drinking is very tied to his spiritual walk. I have come a long way in understanding that the Bible doesn't say it's a sin to drink. It's definitely a touchy subject, I am disappointed that I have such a quick trigger and that it evokes a lot of emotions out of me. But it does. I did manage to hold that emotion in until Sunday School was over. It wasn't that I got my feeling hurt or was offended by others responses, it's just something that really hits me on a very personal level.
4 comments:
I thinka neat part of our discussion today was the continuum between over-integrating our kids into the world (bad) and over-isolating them from the world (also bad). That middle ground of "Insulation" is about clearly defining the world they live in and not shielding them from the knowlege of good and evil - but working to shape there good/evil meters.
Saying all that, I'll jsut say thanks for being willing to be part of a converation that hurts.
I also liked class today. I felt we all had very good, real, and valid points. It's nice to be in a safe environment where we can share openly, even when we don't all feel we agree.
I think that for the most part when looking beyond the surface what was said wasn't really different as much as it was from vastly different points of view. Perspective is key.
I did really like the idea of insulating, I pray that God helps us to find that balance of insulation with our children verses over integration and isolation.
Integration versus isolation is something that I have battled through in my mind for a long time. My parents overisolated, but I know that I may have a tendency to go too far to the integration side if I am left unchecked.
On the alcohol thing, I don't have the family experiences that you do, so I think my opinions are less strongly felt. I personally don't have a problem with people drinking in moderation. I can't drink, though, largely because to do so would cause too much pain to my mom. There are probably other issues that I would have, but this is one area that I let my mother's opinion from 800 miles away influence.
I don't like, though, that some people believe I don't drink for pious reasons. When I am at a work function with alcohol and I refuse I am almost always asked if it is for religious reasons. That is awkward for me because it isn't a simple issue of alcohol equals sin, but people really don't care to hear a detailed explanation of why I don't drink when they ask.
Being a product/poster child of the "isolation" upbringing...I am so thankful that I have learned to bring balance to raising my children with the "insolation" idea. It is still tough and we want to cushion their falls, both physically and spiritually, but I am constantly reminded by my favorite story of the butterfly:
When the butterfly is ready to emerge from the cocoon, it MUST struggle on its own to free and strengthen its wings. If it is "helped" in its struggle, then its too weak to survive and will not be able to fly to safety.
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