Mirror Mirror

I recently had a friend tell me that they felt naked spiritually right now. Like God was stripping them down. I don't know for sure if I understood completely, but I felt like I did. Recently spent about 2 days (prior to vacation aka breaking of the leg) in a spiritual haze. I didn't do a lot around the house, I just sat and let God speak to my heart the way I remind my children to listen to God and know His voice.

What I got, was not what I expected, but what I got was what I needed. I sat back and said to God, "okay, I've prayed and prayed about this, I'm not seeing results. IF I am praying wrong or there is something I need to see that I am not open to, open me up." (Don't ask if you don't want to see, that's all I have to say.)

It was as if God put my in a room full of mirrors. Instead of seeing everything that I had been harboring and holding onto, I started seeing myself. ME. What I looked like to this particular person and even beyond that how my actions could be perceived by others. I wasn't looking for this, but I have to say it's been a long time since I've had such a spiritual experience. It was so real, so vivid.

I realize that things we say and do so innocently can be perceived differently then we think. I also realized that if we are holding onto what other have done in the past, then why should we not expect them to do the same with our actions. I wanted an apology from someone that I felt so justified in my anger and hurt towards, but God showed me where they could just as easily need an apology from me, in fact my former actions could be the VERY reason that they have chosen to act the way they do towards me. Actions that I have quickly forgotten about as I have chosen to change over the years. Actions that I feel are so far behind, could indeed not be so far behind for them. I could be an icon of hurt for them, as they are so often for me.

Once God showed me this, it was so much easier to forgive them. I had said just days before that I had already forgiven them 70 x 7, and I was done. I knew that was the wrong attitude, but hurt was fueling anger and together it made for a combustible unit. It's amazing how once you are able to truly forgive someone the hurt dissipates and then the anger no longer is able to burn. Kind of like taking oxygen away from a candle and the flame burns out.

It took a room full of mirrors for me to see my errors. Thank goodness God is such an awesome God that when we cry out to him in hurt and anger He takes time to apply the appropriate care for our real needs. Sometimes our hurt is justified, sometimes we have truly done nothing to deserve it, I am glad that when that is the case God shows us how to forgive in that case as well. I feel bad for my past actions that have caused hurt and pain to others. I am glad that God is making me a new creation in Him and I hope that He will continue to help me to improve.