A song I sang as a child in church was : He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be. It took him just a week to make the moon and the stars the sun and the earth and Jupiter and mars, oh how loving and patient He must be. He's still working on me.
That helped me adopt a philosophy to always learn and grow. I don't want to remain the same. I feel it would be a waste of time to stay "as is". I mean aren't we as Christians suppose to strive for perfection? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I believe we are perfect or attain perfection. I just believe that if we are to "be like Jesus" we're suppose to do our best to let Him shine through. I am better at this than I use to be. I have grown. I am still not there. I think of all the people I see on a weekly basis at stores, gas stations, restaurants, friends, family. How many times have I let my personal frustration be what they see in me instead of God's calming peace. How many times, have I talked a little louder so they can hear how I am not happy? Again, I am not proud of these moments. I have fewer and fewer as I grow up. But growing up isn't always easy either.
I had a discussion recently with a close family member where when they pushed me on being a grown up, I told them quite frankly...."I am tired of trying that, if everyone can accept that (insert name) isn't and be okay with it, why can't I be that way too?" For years I heard how there were expectations of me that weren't there for everyone else. I still as an adult want to revert to the childish way of saying "but he gets too." While I know this is unrealistic, I feel that way sometimes. I can say that as I get older I find myself falling into this trap less and less, and while I have an occasional laps, it's not my way of thinking forever, because I am growing up. I do realize the value in not being like everyone else, or even letting other peoples actions control my choices.
I can't help but wonder, how many times my own children hear me speak to them about expectations and inside feel the same way I do..."But I want to be a kid too." I try to build time in their lives that they can do just that, while showing them when it's appropriate verses when the expectations kick in. I hope I am doing an okay job. But as a parent you learn that while you are still learning and growing your children are too and we can't be perfect. We must trust that if we are following God's plan, according to what he purposes in our hearts, that are personal screw ups won't be long lasting therapy issues for them, maybe just a session or two!
5 comments:
Mr. Sunrise and I have been talking recently about how we are getting tired of being the responsible ones. Since both of us are the firstborn child in our families, there are certain expectations required of us. We almost resent the fact that our siblings can get away with anything. My brother is so irresponsible with his money, yet my parents keep giving it to him.
We know we both need an attitude adjustment. There is a scripture verse that I try to remember, "Don't become weary in doing good." I am so close to being weary, but with God's help I will keep on plugging.
I remember that song too and have the sensation that as I get older I can actually see change. I've got a long ways to go still. It's good that God doesn't expect us to get everything right over night. For this I am grateful. There's a verse in Hebrews that describes us as being perfect through Christ but also as the ones "being made holy." I like the idea that it is a process - being made - not an on and off switch.
I wasn't in the room when the family member told T to "grow-up"; but if I had been, my immediate response would have been to "duck and cover". She doesn’t take well to being told that her responses are anything but valid and appropriate. I recognize this about her because I do the exact same thing.
As we've "grown up' together over the past 12 years, I’ve found that we rarely are growing at the same rate or in the same are. This poses some challenges, but certainly makes it more interesting.
She always says that she doesn’t believe me - but I'd take a bad day with her over any good day with someone else. As she put it yesterday, (on say-something-nice-about-your-spouse-in-front-of-other-people-day) we complete each other.
... I love that movie ...
I was five when I got married and am about 12 now. The older I get the slower I mature. I too have had to be the stable one in my extended family. Now I'm okay with the role, but will never again be a diplomat.
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